Today, I want to share a guest post I once penned for the Doctor's Notes blog.
The Top 10 Doctor's Notes
I’m so excited to be today’s guest blogger at Doctor’s Notes! To be honest, I’m also a bit nervous. It’s wonderful to be invited to speak to someone else’s audience, but along with that feeling comes a tremendous amount of pressure. I suppose I can take two aspirin and call Shy in the morning … but that won’t help me now, will it?
Let’s find out if I’m up to the challenge.
For this post, I’ve decided to go with the theme of … wait for it … doctor’s notes! Before you groan in dismay, why not take a few seconds and read through the list I’ve compiled? My wit may pleasantly surprise you. Of course, it may not. For my part, I think you’ll find they’re just what the doctor ordered. LOL
In honor of this blog’s name, and vampire fans everywhere, I scoured through the medical history of some of my væmpire characters in search of memorable doctor’s notes. No, not notes that detailed how someone suffered a bad sunburn or drank tainted blood, but notes that really meant something.
Without further ado, I give you the Væmpires Top 10 Doctor’s Notes:
10. Dr. Wrede is suffering from exhaustion. He cannot possibly continue working on an antidote to this “Daystar” virus until his body sufficiently recovers.
9. Please excuse Merriss for his extended absence, dating all the way back to Freshman year. He has been diligently working to edit Kate Beckinsale into Underworld: Rise of the Lycans.
8. Jentice failed to report to her post at the scheduled time because she was unable to move (she was frozen by “analysis paralysis” while deciding whether to TiVo The Vampire Diaries or The Secret Circle).
7. I’m sorry, but Iris is banned from all contact sports until the test results prove that her abilities allow her to control, but not create, zombies.
6. Mantel suffers from a gastrointestinal disorder brought on by acute overeating. It seems he wants to “possess the same gravitas as Lestat.” Unfortunately, he took the first Wikipedia translation—weight—at face value.
5. Ray cannot return to school until he is no longer contagious. He developed a skin condition while trying to reveal the “secret writing” contained within the “October – January” sections of New Moon.
4. Linq missed training yesterday due to illness. I treated him in my office and my official diagnosis is that he was suffering from a migraine headache induced by watching and re-watching the True Blood discs in search of Easter eggs.
3. Daniel will be unable to attend this summer’s camping getaway, as he refuses to step another foot into daylight until the Vampire Academy movie is released.
2. Please excuse Cassandra from tomorrow’s recital. She can’t possibly remember music when she’s convinced she has to help Zoey finally decide between Heath, Erik, and Stark.
1. Vielyn has been sent to the country for an extended holiday, as he woke up with an extra thumb on each hand and an insatiable desire for vampire blood today!
Posted on Fri, March 22, 2013
by Thomas Winship filed under